You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
