PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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