You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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