I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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