I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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