Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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