I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
