i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
