I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
