if you like me you must not know who I am
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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