I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm passing your future prison.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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