I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
