I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
