I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
