Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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