I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
