i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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