I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
