pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
