am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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