but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
