That's when you crack a 10am beer
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
