My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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