is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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