I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
