So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
