so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
