pop tarts are not kleenex
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
