do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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