i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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