I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
