i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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