so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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