no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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