So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
