I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
