I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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