After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
