two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
