about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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