We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
