the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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