She said her name was "party"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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