My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
