i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
