Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
