just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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