umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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