I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I didn't shave. On purpose
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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