seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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