Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
