I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I can't turn off my feet"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
