I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.