the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.