New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
