I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me