Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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