my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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