I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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