I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
