I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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