dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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