You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
